This is the second of Cait Flanders books about her journey through life and interpretation of minimalism and it is simply a great read.
I’ve been a fan of Cait’s since finding her blog ‘Blonde on a Budget’ when I was looking for tips to make my money go that little bit further. I followed her journey through debt repayment, to living with less, sobriety and travelling and in many ways, I feel like I know her [which is why I’ve first named her throughout this review].
But, back to the book – Adventures in Opting Out is intended to be a ‘field guide’ for those who are seeking to remove things from their lives that no longer serve them, whether that is ‘stuff’, people, toxic or dangerous habits or self-imposed pressure. It’s not a traditional ‘self-help’ book and in all honesty, I’d categorise it more as a self-reflection book, one to help guide you on the trail of life.
I find it interesting that Cait talks about the hard bits of opting out too, or the ‘valley’ part of your journey. And how there will be doubts, and difficulties along the way, and that’s okay – it doesn’t make you a failure. I personally feel like this is something that isn’t talked about enough in self guiding books and blogs – it’s not supposed to be easy all the time, that’s sometimes a sign you’re going the right way. But also, the recognition that it’s okay to change your mind, and if something you’re doing is causing pain – it’s probably best to stop and consider your options rather than struggle on through.
I feel like Cait sums up the feeling of somehow sleepwalking through your life and knowing something needs to change, but not being actively ‘not-happy’ to be sure about how to do it. It’s not a fundamental issue, or error in judgement, more a floating on the tide without direction. While there’s a time and a place for that [white beach in the Bahamas anyone?], it’s all too easy to wake up in a riptide wondering when you stopped paying attention.
On reading this book, in the middle of a global pandemic, it would be hard not to reflect on your own thoughts and feelings – in doing so I was certainly inspired to take a look at my life, and very quickly realised I’m missing balance. Despite feeling at times like I want to ‘opt out’ of life and run away to a deserted beach somewhere, it’s just a case of finding focus outside of my career, especially when I now work from home. I can’t wait to travel again; it’s how I recharge and revitalise my creativity and enthusiasm – without it I get lethargic and unfocussed. With international travel looking like it’ll be off the cards for a while yet, I’ll be trying to refocus this year as a chance to spend time outdoors closer to home, to explore what on my doorstep and find some calm in the chaos.
If I’m honest, my soul is pretty heavy right now, but I’ve been using it as an excuse to wallow, this book is the friendly dose of ‘pull yourself together’ that I feel I needed to stop coasting aimlessly through things, and to take some time to reflect and adjust course as needed.
On this train of thought, the idea of planning ‘just enough’ is one I love, I used to have it all figured out, school, uni, career, get rich, get married, have children etc – but my university took a lot longer than expected my career has meandered down some unusual [but definitely interesting] routes. When you over plan, it’s easy to feel you’ve failed if you don’t hit every milestone. Cait Flanders’ approach of planning ‘just enough’ seems like a brilliant way of yes, preparing, and thinking ahead, but also being open to what life brings your way. it’s something I’m trying to keep at the forefront of my mind as I look to the future.
One subject that Cait discusses that I was particularly touched by, is her writing when it came to the decision of not wanting children. It’s something that a lot of women I know are feeling, and that people have a lot of opinions on [both good and bad]. I categorically do not agree that you’ll change your mind or that it means you hate children, like Cait I think it’s a personal decision that should be respected by those who know you, as well as those who don’t. What I found really interesting is the method of a yearly check in with herself, not with a partner or friends, just a quiet reflection with herself on whether the choices she’s making still work for her. I think that’s something we could all use, probably at a time other that New Years Eve if we’re being honest here.
I find the work and wisdom of Cait to be incredibly inspiring, this isn’t a dramatic call to arms to make a groundbreaking change in your life. It’s a quiet story, a quiet setting out of what you might find if you decide to opt out of something that’s no longer serving you, a quiet calm. As I mentioned, I’ve followed Cait for years now and loved her first book, I highly recommend this one – if you’re living a life that you adore, and there’s nothing you want to change – it’s probably not the one for you. But if there’s even a murmur in your soul that there’s something you might want to leave behind then you’ll find words in here that can help, and that will encourage you to hike your own hike.
I really enjoyed this read and I felt like this book was harmonious with the learning from Gracefully You by Jenna Dewan. In so much that it relates to carving out a space for yourself and reflecting inwards, as well as reviewing what you project outwards.
Check out Cait’s first book here.
I couldn’t help but think of the work of Lainey Molnar when reading this book, check out her drawing work about being unashamedly yourself here.
I’d suggest finding some space in your life to reflect, get outside, step away from ‘I’ll wait here’ with the same bravery as Cait and find some Zen. Check out this blog for inspiration.
Listen to this by The XX when you need a dose of breathing space in your day.
Let me know what you think!
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